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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Pics: The Life of An Investor- a truthful satire

 Hi.  I'm an Investor. Sorry to be shouting but it gets hard to hear myself when I am riding my yacht.  I'm what you call an independent contractor; a self made man. All my success is based on my skill and hard work.. never asked anyone for anything.

This is my summer mansion- very Meditteranean.  The winter home is in Aspen and is even more spacious.  I know how to pick homes, just like I know how to pick stocks.  Always make money work for you.  I hear others are having a hard time of things.. something called recession?  No idea.. just something I heard.  Probably people looking for excuses for handouts.

 This is the inside of my corporate jet.  This is where all action is.. Buy.. Sell.. Buy.. maybe sell again.  Definitely impresses the ladies when you are on the cell and you say something like "Put 2 million into XYZ and put 50,000 into Swiss francs"  You should see how the ladies look at me- I'm such a winner.

This is my current girlfriend..I can't remember her name but she's really nice and I treat her well.  I paid for that by the way...  I mean the backyard deck she's standing on.. Hey, what did you think I meant?  ~whistles
 Yes my friend, life is Good.. nothing can go wrong.  I'm untouchable.

One moment, my cell is ringing..  'Yes... what?... What?... How? Sell Dammit!!

 I don't understand it!  How could it Drop Thattt much!!  Well at least the government will step in.. the Treasury or Fed and bailout it out..  They have to right?  Can't let people like me suffer.

Another phone call..  "Yes? What do you mean the govt isn't going to bail the markets?  No more handouts?  Its only a handout if its common people..not people like Me!  I lost A LOT of $$ today.. Rrr... hold on.. something happening on TV"

Ben Bernanke: "The Fed has decided in lieu of the dramatic stock market drop, that it will give zero interest loans until the year 4000, and start $100 Zillion in QE3 to insure the markets and investors Never Ever feel any financial pain..  That is all"

Alll  Righhtttt!!!  That's what I'm talkin' about!!  Ben! Ben! Ben! Ben!

You stupid common people didn't think ol' Monty would take a financial hit did you?? Not on your life.  i'm an Investor. Everyone caters to me- banks, governments.  If I take a loss, you all drown.  Well this has been fun but must be going.. Smithers is drawing my bath..  Ta

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