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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

'How to Blah-Blah-Blah in 4 easy steps'.

Have you ever read an 'empty' article?

Sure you have-- everyone has.  

Usually they have teaser headlines like "4 ways to eliminate student debt"  or "How to become a millionaire by 30", and the content is either super-obvious information that a child would know, or not applicable to the lives of 99.9%.

Found an article recently that was most irritating not simply because the information wasn't germane to most people but because the headline plays upon people's emotions; their hopes, dreams and fears in this on-going recession..  It was from CNN/Money and entitled:

4 Degrees with Zero Unemployment

So as the reader, you re supposed to see the headline and go, "Oooh, I am very curious.. I (or someone I know) plans on attending college so I must read this!'  

And what were the four degrees with zero unemployment?  

Law? Medicine?  Poli Sci?  Engineering?

No, No, Nope and Na-ah...
They were:

Actuarial Science -- Discipline that applies mathematical and statistical methods to assess risk in the insurance and finance industries.  In layperson terms, someone in this field helps companies to make as much $$ as humanly possible through cost computations in exchange for marginal raises and no job security vs someone younger and nerdier who comes along

Astrophysics -- Branch of astronomy that deals with the physics of the universe, including the physical properties of celestial objects, as well as their interactions and behaviors.  Picture the two male leads in "The Big Bang Theory".. that would be you if you pursued this field.

Pharmacology -- Branch of medicine and biology concerned with the study of drug action. It's more than simply being a Pharmacist.  Drug companies have found its more profitable to create medicines that control harmful diseases like HIV and Cancer than find outright cures. So you would be helping to create such wondrous new medicines to keep sick people healthy as long as their insurances will pay...

Geophysics -- Physics of the Earth and its environment in space; also the study of the Earth using quantitative physical methods.  Your job would be to help oil companies find new areas of excavation and drilling so their profits can expand even more and allow a planet to be even more fossil-fuel dependent than ever before.

So there you have it... Four simple, easy degrees that anyone can do.  All you need is an extremely strong mathematics background, the willingness to take on enormous debt to obtain the Masters degrees, and no personality, imagination or creativity.