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Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Apple, Watches and Worms

~ Nice watch but.. Where can one get the gun?

Its late Wednesday/early Thursday here and I saw the other day that Apple unveiled its new watch which is going to make all our lives better as we go around like Dick (Head) Tracys talking into our wrists..

It will also allow people easier access to check all their emails and texts and tweets from people all over the globe as the human race continues its anti-socialization of anyone locally within voice-speak distance

It will do other things too like allow you to pay for things without that 'struggle' of taking your credit card from purse or wallet and making those poor people behind you in line have to wait that extra 5 seconds as you retrieve
~ Now this in its day was an Awesome watch!

All your personal and private information conveniently stores for your comfort and merchants' convenience

Of course no one mentions what happens if your watch is misplaced or stolen, because its not like watches were ever taken before at knife or gun point, yes?

And did I fail to mention Apple will get a percentage cut of every ApplePay transaction?

This watch is going to do so many wonderful things..

Who knows.. it may even help you get laid?
~ Girl: "I like you Paco but the Caucasian has a new Apple watch so I am going to let him have unprotected sex with me

Rumor has it this crazy contraption will tell time as well..

Prices start at $350 but if you want to show off to all your friends and foes, you can commit $10,000 to one made of gold..

No mention if we're talking 24 karat or more like 10

Ahh technology..
~ The Apple $10,000 Watch

Funny how people always look to the positives and never understand the negatives until too late..

Take the advent of pagers among everyday people in the late 1980s followed by the growth of cell phones..

How wonderful it must have felt that first time someone was free of using the pay phone to call 'sweetie' and tell her/him you were running late so keep the lasagna warm..

Of course ultimately as a result, there is no such thing as a pay phone so if you're in an emergency, have no battery or in an area without reception, you're screwed..

And now your lover or spouse can see every phone call you made by just peeking at your bill statement..  There's goes that precious infidelity privacy~
~ The $350 watch for 'commoners'

But.. that's progress

And remember how cool it was to fill up that address book with all those people that you could get in touch with while only pushing one or two buttons..

Of course that also meant everyone had your number which meant they could and Would call you at all hours and then wonder why don't you ever take 2 minutes out of your day to return a call...

Much easier to make up lies of avoidance when the call was to the house phone..
For example:

I had a worthless distant family member (I guess she still "Is" one but yuk.. anyways) who had an answering message on her cell which said something like "Leave me a message and I'll get back as soon as I can"

Of course she didn't..  Wasn't her nature..

You had to be really important or help advance her struggling career as an 'actress' in some way..

So if you left a message, you'd be lucky if you got a call back a week later which is a bit disingenuous when you sincerely think that one 24 day is composed of 1,440 minutes and a week equals 10,080 minutes..
BTW, if you ever call someone, leave a message and they can not take 2 minutes out of 1,440 (which is 1/7th of 1% of the minutes in a full day to return your call, they deserve a hearty 'Fuck You!' and never bother contacting them again..

But I digress..

Back in the day when cell phones were not available, pieces of trash like that could weasel themselves out of explaining their selfishness..

Nearly impossible today..
~ I miss Swatch...

And don't forget the boss..   Now work goes with you 24/7..

"Um yeah hi.. we need you to turn around and come back to the office.. Something came up.."

Back in the day, you leave work, do what you wish with your time and if the Boss said he/she tried to reach you, a convenient clever lie could be conjured to get the jerk off your back without fear of being let go..

How times have changed..
The world is busier than ever and people work harder and longer and have less true time for themselves because of technology...

Those jobs still around that technology didn't kill off, I mean..

And now the newest needless gadget has arrived which Apple hopes will send its stocks soaring into the stratosphere meaning even more endless profit for share-holders..

And all the dum-dums are salivating at the thought of buying one..
Its so irritating, its makes a person want to put angry words onto paper using a pencil or pen and send off to someone through a postage-stamped snail-mail letter!!

Ehh..

Too lazy..  I'll just finish this up and click 'Send'