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Friday, February 22, 2019

The Nominees for Best Film Few to None Have Seen Are...

So this Sunday will be the Oscars which most people will watch out of genuine interest or mere curiosity

We will not..  Mostly because we don't take time out of our lives to hear celebrities spew Trump hate

But also because this year like pretty much all other years, few to none of the films nominated are worth bothering to see

The nominees are always endlessly hyped but do people really bother to see the films that we're all told are so 'amazing' and 'important'?

Let's see by doing what has become an annual tradition at A&G

We're going to list the nominees of every major category and next to it, the domestic box office based on information provided at BoxOfficeMojo.com and let's see outside of the comic book film 'Black Panther' and the remake 'A Star Is Born', if Americans really bothered to see these nominated films

Best Picture:

Black Panther   --  $700 Million
BlacKkKlansman  -- $48.6 Million
Bohemian Rhapsody -- $212.3 million
The Favourite -- $31.4 Million
Roma --  (no info given)
Green Book -- $67.2 Million
A Star Is Born  --  $210.1 Million
Vice -- $46.4 Million

-  So Americans basically flocked to three of the nominated films while so few people saw 'Roma' that BoxOfficeMojo.com didn't even have any figures to provide

How can something be nominated that no one has seen?

We're happy 'Vice' only made $46m because its just a vicious hit piece on Dick Cheney that makes fake-Americans (liberals) feel good but it historically inaccurate from beginning to end

We're going to predict 'A Star is Born' is going to be winning a lot of awards in major categories on Sunday just because its popular and the Oscars need to start giving awards to films that people actually See or their ratings will continue to plunge

Best Director:

Alfonso Cuaron (Roma)  --  (no figures given)
Yorgos Lanthimos (The Favourite)  -- $31.4 Million
Spike Lee (BlacKkKlansman) -- $48.6 Million
Adam McKay (Vice) --  $46.4 Million
Pawel Pawlikowski (Cold War) -- $3.5 Million

-  'Cold War' is an Amazon movie.. No idea why anything they produce is allowed to be nominated equal to a theatrical release?

Also nice to see another Spike Lee movie do mediocre box office..  Can't think of a colored director more overhyped in the history of cinema..

But because Lee is an extreme liberal black bastard and white guilt/shame Hollywood loves that type of person to put them in their place, we predict he'll win

Best Actor:

Christian Bale (Vice) --  $46.4 Million
Bradley Cooper (A Star Is Born)  --  $210.1 Million
Willem Dafoe (At Eternity's Gate) -- $2.2 Million
Rami Malek (Bohemian Rhapsody) -- $212.3 million
Viggo Mortensen (Green Book) -- $67.2 Million

- Figure if the average movie ticket is $13, that means only 5.1 million people of a population of 325 million Americans saw 'Green Book' while 3.5 million people cared to see 'Vice' and a measly 169,000 people cared to see 'At Eternity's Gate'

We predict the guy with the Muslim name will win because Freddie Mercury was a faggot who contracted AIDS from unprotected anal sex with other gay men and died from the disease thus representing the type of person Hollywood admires

Best Actress:

Yalitza Aparicio (Roma) -- (No figures given)
Glenn Close (The Wife) -- $9.2 million
Olivia Colman (The Favourite) -- $31.4 Million
Lady Gaga (A Star Is Born)  --  $210.1 Million
Melissa McCarthy (Can You Ever Forgive Me?) -- $8.6 Million

- Based on box office, why should any of the nominees other than Lady Gaga even bother to show up in this category?

Best Supporting Actor:

Mahershala Ali (Green Book) -- $67.2 Million
Adam Driver (BlacKkKlansman) -- $48.6 Million
Sam Elliott (A Star Is Born)  --  $210.1 Million
Richard E. Grant (Can You Ever Forgive Me?) -- $8.6 Million
Sam Rockwell (Vice) --  $46.4 Million

- Every year Hollywood throws a very old actor a bone and nominates him or her based more on their body of work then the actual film he/she was in..

This year it is Sam Elliott..  He may win or it may be the colored guy Ali ..

Who knows..  Who cares

Best Supporting Actress:

Amy Adams (Vice) - --  $46.4 Million
Marina de Tavira (Roma) -- (No figures given)
Regina King (If Beale Street Could Talk) -- $14.2 Million
Emma Stone (The Favourite) -- $31.4 Million
Rachel Weisz (The Favourite) -- $31.4 Million

- Five nominees representing four films no one's heard of that three minutes from the end of the Oscars no one will remember in two days and unfortunately one will win

If we had to predict..  hmm..  Eeny.. Meeny.. Miney.. Moe..

Amy Adams..  Its an anti-Republican film so why not..

We miss the days when the Oscars were worth watching..  When the films were of actual quality and the celebs pretty much shut the fuck up about their political and social beliefs

So we'll skip the show and watch something more enjoyable like sports, cartoons or porn