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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Honestly Addressing the Issue of Marriage

Yours truly was reading an article today in Bloomberg about how the continual on-going recession-depression has hurt the modern family, particularly those who are still single but otherwise be married if joblessness and other economic factors haven't caused that dream to be delayed...

An Allianz survey of 4,500 Americans included an extra sample of families outside the historical norm, including single parents, same-sex couples and blended families. These “modern families” were less financially secure than traditional families, the study found.

They were 50% more likely to have unexpectedly lost their main form of income -- and twice as likely to have declared bankruptcy.

Still don't understand why gays and lesbians are fighting so passionately for this right..  Seems so much like a pyrrhic social victory if there ever was one..

A fight for equal pay and promotion would seem more logical.

Of course I am clueless why straight people want to marry either.

If you're the woman, you pretty much lost all your freedom to be a true individual; to smile and flirt with others without another getting peeved or dress in the style and manner of your choosing, especially if you have a provocative flair..

Then there's the loss of control of your own finances; it becomes merged with his or in some cases controlled by the hubby exclusively with little amounts doled out and constant justification of every purchase made..

And the woman's mobility is completely stifled..   A better job offer if willing to relocate?  Need another's consent..   Want to live in a different kind of domicile then at present..  an apartment/condo  or home..  Need the other partner to agree..

Pretty much all spontaneity and the ability to make important decisions exclusive of another..  Gone..

As for the man, the real pain comes in the eventual divorce which is bound to happen..

The Department of Agriculture estimates that today the cost of raising a kid from birth to adulthood is $245,340..

Who generally pays the child support?    Who generally pays the alimony?

Who generally loses 50% and is forced to sell the home and all other collected assets to give to the other party?

In a heterosexual male-female relationship, its the man.

We assume in gay/lesbian divorces the wealthier of the two partners is the one ultimately fleeced..

So why do people still get married when common sense would advise otherwise?

That ole' "L" word
It reminds moi of a quote from the film 'Rob Roy' (I can see the expressions of 'Ugh!' now on some of our closest friends & family's faces who's heard it uttered a billion-million times..

"Love is but a dunghill and 'I' am the cock which climbs upon but to crow"

Its really a shame that the legal system has essentially destroyed all which made marriage and family important in a society..

Among others, the undeniable, certifiable Truth that very very few pre-nuptuals stand up in court anymore which means any relationship where one has much more money than the other, is going to be screwed over once they say "I Do"

And really that's what marriage is in a legal sense..  a legally binding contract meant to establish a relationship for the time ultimately when assets and custody are to be divided
Think about it this way:  It is illegal to have multiple spouses, but not illegal to date multiple people or have multiple live-in lovers?

Obviously the courts don't care about the morality or religious ethics of the situation..  Only that a normal divorce can be complicated enough when its just two spouses at odds.. Why add a third 'spouse' into the mix

For many families, because of the high cost of divorce, they are basically stuck with each other which increases the statistical odds of domestic abuse and adds untold misery to the kids who have to witness endless fights they'd otherwise be spared post-divorce

The whole system of dating and marriage should be re-defined and re-written to fit the realistic realities of the 21st cent world..
For instance..

** Until there is an actual relationship of some kind established between two people beyond the 'get to know you' stage, all dates are dutch i.e. each person pays for themselves...

If one person wants the filet mignon and lobster dinner with 5 glasses of wine,  then by all means.. bon apetit

**  No marriage should ever be allowed to take place or be approved unless both parties show they have consistent income so one person is not carrying the complete financial burden unless it is agreed upon by both that one party will not work so to take care of all domestic duties

**  All prospective couples where at least one party has never been married must take 30 hours of marriage workshop courses and receive certification to show they're truly mentally prepared for what the reality of marriage is after the lovely ceremony..

**  In addition, all couples must go through 30 hours of marriage counseling prior to divorce with a sincere attempt to make things work

**  All pre-nuptuals are 100% ironclad.    You better really think and read each line carefully before you sign one because that's it.. No do-overs..

** Marriages are like sports contracts..  Both parties can agree on how many years they wish to be together ahead of time with mutual option to extend

So this way, two people may agree to a 12 month marriage to see if it really is for them.. And if all is bliss, its extended another 5 years or indefinitely..   And if unhappy, there's a simple settlement to establish who gets what..  

**  If you are found to have cheated on your spouse and it was not established beforehand that the two of you are in an "open" relationship, you lose the legal right upon divorce to receive alimony.

Can't say whether these rules would strengthen or weaken the desire for two people to marry but at least it would address many of the unfairness of the current system

Of course the best way to do things, is the Kurt Russell-Goldie Hawn way..

Just sincerely love one another, live forever with one another and keep government out of your personal romantic lives.