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Thursday, January 22, 2015

Desperate Times call for Desperate Selling of Beer

Today's topic is beer..   Yummy, frosty, frothy cold beer

Just the thought, makes one want to sneakily gulp-chug a few down before the spouse or partner greets with 'Good Morning'

We kid.. *cough*   Anyways, seems Anheuser Busch is no joking mood when it comes to their pee-colored (umm, we mean hue of golden wheat) product..

They believe beer consumption will ultimately die in the US without Super Bowl ads..

"When you're watching this year's Super Bowl ads, Anheuser-Busch InBev wants you to keep in mind that if there's no Budweiser or Bud Light, there's no U.S. beer market.

No, seriously: That's what the company actually believes.

This month, when tipping its Super Bowl ad lineup to The New York Times , Anheuser-Busch InBev strongly suggested it would be going after Millennials (basically drinkers under the age of 30). 
If its ads featuring lost puppies and crazy bros up for anything fail, a spokesman suggested, the results for U.S. beer could be catastrophic.

“They are the future of the beer category,” Jorn Socquet, vice president for United States marketing at Anheuser-Busch, told the Times. “If we do not get Budweiser and Bud Light in the hands of those consumers, the beer category could become in serious trouble.”"

Heck, why stop with Millennials?   It is statistically proven that the most gullible age group for trying new products based on nothing more than empty, meaningless advertising are the 12-21yr old demographic
 ~  Different brand; same goal

Oh that's right..  Something about the Law...

But wait,  teenagers, especially girls love little puppies and clydesdales..

Teens also think young unshaven white guys in their 20s who look like they live in their parents' basement, seem like they can't even make a PB&J sandwich without Mommy's help and act like pathetic wiggers are funny too

Its also funny that A-B even gives a damn about the American beer drinking market since the so-called 'King of Beers' has not been American owned and operated since 2008
~ So if I buy beer I can get to have sex with Pamela Anderson?  

In fact every major brand of domestic one drinks:  Budweiser, Miller, Coors and Pabst is foreign owned..

If you want true American, you buy Yuengling (oldest US brewery-1829) or Sam Adams.

But we digress...

Budweiser used to control 25% of the beer market in the US and in the late 80's, 1 of every 3 Super Bowl inebriates were fucking up their liver to A-B brand beers..
Bud has lost 68% of their sales since the days of Spuds McKenzie and they're feeling the pressure..

Getting people (mostly men) to drink beer is serious business..

"Anheuser-Busch InBev (recently) paid more than $1 billion to wrest the NFL's official beer sponsorship away from MillerCoors and its Coors Light brand and hand it to Budweiser...

(In addition), According to Kantar Media, Anheuser-Busch InBev spent $145.9 million on Super Bowl ads alone between 2009 and 2013. The next-biggest Super Bowl spender, Pepsico, only parted with $97 million during the same span."
That's serious money and speaking of money, the cost to run ads for the Super-Duper Overhype Bowl cost more and more each passing year..

"This year, ad time for Super Bowl XLIX on NBC on Feb. 1 is going for $4.5 million per 30-second spot — or $150,000 a second. 

That is up 12.5% from the $4 million for last year’s game on Fox and up 88% from $2.4 million a decade ago, according to Kantar Media, a research firm owned by ad conglomerate WPP.  Even at the slightly discounted rate of $4.4 million for advertisers buying more than two ads, that's tough to sustain...

This year, A-B's three minutes of Super Bowl ad time represent a 25% cut from the four minutes it ran in 2014."
So how can A-B reach those Millennials and appeal to their emotions to shell their money on beer?

Well they could go with the tried n' true ad strategy of presenting the false image that stunningly gorgeous young women with ample breasts popping out of their bikinis will be dying to sleep with a lazy, sloppy, unshaven man-child because he is holding a Bud beer bottle

They could also go with the worn-out and untrue notion that is impossible to enjoy any sporting event live or on television unless beer is consumed.

Big screen TV?  Ehh..  Lots of friends over?  Ehh..  Chips, dip & hot pizza?  Ehh..   Beer?   Aww Yeahh!
Or maybe go with something more honest...

Show Millennials as they really are in 2015..

College educated, unable to find work, student loan debt up the poop-shoot, forced by economic necessity to live at home and putting off dreams of finding their own place or starting their life with another due to lack of income or credit history..

Still believing the lies their leaders tell them as they just begin to realize their generation is the first to not be economically better off than their parents'

Then have them down massive quantities of Bud to dull the pain and have them forget their troubles while playing video games
No?  Too real?

Fine..  Cue the sexy girls in tight sweaters holding hands as they flirt with the 'Everyone Loves Raymond' looking 100lb nerd wearing the flannel shirt over white tee, implying a menage-a-trois will about to happen because loser everyday guy is holding a beer..

And not just Any beer mind you...

A Bud light!