Search This Blog

Friday, May 17, 2019

You Might Be A Liberal (Or Black Or Feminist) If....

Back in the late 1980s or early 90's, there was a southern comedian named Jeff Foxworthy who got a bit famous with a little harmless schtick called 'You may be a redneck if...'

And basically for those who don't remember it, he would say things like 'You may be a redneck if by the time you're done eating supper, you have more food on your shirt then your plate..'

He didn't actually say that specific one-liner but you get the idea
Everyone laughed because he was making fun of southern whites which is one of the few groups people can consistently shit on without any guilt or fear of reprisal

So Foxworthy, a white southerner himself made a lot of money off it because it made colored people and other outcast groups feel superior and many southerners were stupid enough to celebrate their kind being mocked

Made us think though..  What if we took that same tired, stale premise and applied it to other groups, especially those with sensitive and genteel feelings who like to dish it but rarely can take in return

Can't promise they'll be funny one liners but guarantee they'll be truthful
'You might be black if...'

You might be black if you don't want to be thought of in any kind of sub human or animal-like terms Except when it comes to your penis..  Only Then it can be referred to as a horse, bull, elephant, etc

You eat fried chicken and watermelon in public with a fork and knife then eat it the proper way with one's fingers in private

You have dreams and aspirations for your children to attend a four year college..  So they can play basketball or football
You hold your history, culture and traditions in high regard and want to preserve as much of your past as possible then seek to impregnate someone of a different race so she loses hers

You are pissed off none of your kind win Oscars yet have your own separate Movie Awards show where all nominees in all categories are colored

You get outraged and feel violent toward anyone who says the word 'Nigger' in your presence... Unless it is another black saying it, then its totally cool..
'You might be a so-called 'feminist' if...'

You hate the idea of being married or tied down to another man because they're too controlling and demanding yet embrace the equally controlling and demanding environment of employment as if  liberating

You can't stand how men so-called objectify and demean women by judging them on their looks and openly flirting with them yet are deeply bitter that no one's given you a compliment for being plain and fugly

You supported Hillary under the belief she would have been America's first female President when she really is a man
'You might be a liberal if...'

You believe in the environment, conservation and the planet having a future yet keep producing offspring that will be themselves constant consumers, creating waste to add to the landfills

Your tolerance and acceptance of sexual assault, rape, racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, drug addiction and murder is predicated by whether or not the individual was a fellow liberal or conservative

You are pro-choice when it comes to killing a baby inside a mother but not when it comes to parents deciding where their children go to school

You preach 'tolerance', 'love' and 'coexistence' for all except those who politically dare to say you're 100% wrong on everything...
Like we said, not all one-liners were funny but they really weren't meant to be since the originator Jeff Foxworthy was rarely funny either

But 'wake up!' truth does not have to evoke a chuckle does it?